Settle Down

Single, 2019.

  • One more beer, make a friend.
  • One more year, it'll mend.
  • I know, you said to settle down.
  • Just today, just be nice.
  • Don't be late, don't think twice.
  • I heard, you say to settle down.
  • Paint your eyes, don't wear more.
  • Break us down, make it so.
  • I guess, I should settle down.
  • Do you think I like it when you say my name?
  • Like it's yours to claim and mine to blame.
  • Do you think I like it when you say my name?
  • I don't like the way you say my name.
  • So I trim it off, sit up straight,
  • Make it fit, bend, don't break,
  • 'til I think I can settle down.
  • Don't wear that, it's all wrong.
  • Make it match. Sing this song.
  • I'm sure that I won't settle down.
  • Do you think I like it when you say my name?
  • Like it's yours to claim and mine to blame.
  • Do you think I like it when you say my name?
  • I don't like the way you say my name.
  • I don't like the way you say my name.
  • I don't like the way you say my name.
  • I don't like the way it feels when you tell me how to feel.
  • I don't like the way you say my name.
  • Grow your hair, smile, there.
  • Don't share how much your care.
  • I wish you would settle down.
  • Do you think I like it when you say my name?
  • Like it's yours to claim and mine to blame.
  • Do you think I like it when you say my name?
  • I don't like the way you say my name.
  • [Not verified.]
Entry 168.
  • This song means so much to me. It’s had such a loving home on only a handful of phones over the past six months, and I’m scared to watch it move out. But it feels so right to know that I wrote something I mean in its entirety. I am truly, shamelessly proud, that 26 years of hearing: chill, relax, you’re overreacting, calm down, it’s not a big deal, let it go, your feelings are wrong, your feelings are unattractive, your opinions are too much, your honesty is too much, your outfit is too much, you said too much, wore too much, drank too much, ate too much, laughed too much, worked too much, cried too much… brought me here. I’m stoked to be too much. And I feel super calm about never being all that calm.
Credits.

Written and performed by Brianna Clarke.

  • Herag Sanbalian, producer.
  • [Not verified.]
Entry 161.
  • At some point, I stopped wearing my hair down. I started choosing taco trucks over ice cream trucks. Boxing Day over Christmas. Thursdays over Fridays. Eating out over ordering in. A clean face over a full face, and feeling desire over feeling desired. Sometimes, these things still flip. Like this one time I wore my hair down in 2019. But for the most part, these switches feel solid, feel right, and like proof that every year I get better at doing what I fucking want. So cheers to aging, cause aging is simply *not dying*. Cheers to saying “no”. I look forward to seeing this mane to go full gray.
Entry 79.
  • She declared that I’d lost weight. She told me I looked elegant. I brushed it off and ate my lunch, deciding she was just old fashioned. But when I gained it back, I poked at myself. Was the fittedness of my clothes so wrong? Was I no longer elegant? I thought of all the times I’d visit my grandmother and she’d tell me of Shirley, who’d gotten big. Of Venise, who’d been looking frail. I avoided certain clothes around her, hoping to divert the conversation from the circumference of my arms and their inverse suggested wearability of jewelry. I wish she never said I looked nice. I wish she never noticed.
Entry 47.
  • I’m 25, and I want a new set of dinnerware. I want the kind of dinnerware that practically invites people over to eat. I want whatever I make to sit effortlessly in its properly-sized bowl, as if its plating was its homecoming. I don’t want the kind of dinnerware that screams when you drag a knife across its surface; I don’t want the kind that heats up faster in a microwave than the soup it’s there for. I want the kind of dinnerware that can interact with a spoon without a shriek, and introduce itself to heat without its voice cracking.
  • I’m 25, and I absolutely do not need new dinnerware. My tastes will change, and I have dozens of moves ahead of me. I have no extra cupboard space, and I rarely entertain.
  • But something that makes me feel like I have my shit together would be nice. Something that makes me feel like the salad belongs next to the main belongs next to the potatoes... Something that makes it all feel like it belongs where I’ve placed it, and I belong where I’ve placed myself. In this city, in my apartment, beside my partner, holding my anxieties, eating pasta from a pasta bowl.
  • So I’m 25, and maybe I need new dinnerware.