I Don’t Like Me Much Right Now

Single, 2020.

  • I've got these songs all locked up in my room.
  • I sing them ‘til they seem to fall out of tune.
  • I've got these thank yous I've been meaning to say,
  • But something keeps on getting in my way.
  • I'm sorry I can't help it, I don't like me much right now.
  • Keep trying to count the thing that I don't doubt.
  • I can't help it,
  • I don't like me much right now.
  • You look so good.
  • Could you just tell me how?
  • I can't help it,
  • I don't like me much right now.
  • I keep my best ideas trapped in the basement,
  • Between the VCR and empty suitcases.
  • Been thinking ‘bout addiction…
  • …and cheeky pink prescriptions.
  • All my best ideas are trapped in the basement.
  • I'm sorry I can't help it, I don't like me much right now.
  • Keep trying to count the thing that I don't doubt.
  • I can't help it,
  • I don't like me much right now.
  • You look so good.
  • Could you just tell me how?
  • I can't help it,
  • I don't like me much right now.
  • I'll do better tomorrow, better tomorrow.
  • Can we forget today?
  • Do better tomorrow, better tomorrow.
  • Can we forget today?
  • Do better tomorrow, better tomorrow!
  • Can we forget today?
  • I'm sorry I can't help it,
  • I don't like me much right now.
  • [Not verified.]
Entry 194.
  • My cat looks outside the window and I wonder what he sees. My life must be big, and his life must be small, I think. I think of the view that doesn’t change, and the changes I don’t see. The mysterious flashes of light, the inexplicable cold of the glass, the ground that goes from green to brown to white and the smell of summer when the window’s cracked, from a world he doesn’t know in a brain that doesn’t know what summer means. It’s all too much, I think. Incomprehensible, terrifying, fascinating: of course it’s worth checking up on 5-15 times a day.
  • I look towards my future and I wonder who I’ll be. Am I too small for my life to be big? I think of the things I fail to change, and the changes I don’t see. The mysterious flashes of joy, the inexplicable cold of the bad days, and the dreams that go from tangible to improbable to untouchable in a matter of seconds. I wish I could crack the window to smell something new. Because it’s all too much, I think. Incomprehensible, terrifying, fascinating: so of course it’s worth daydreaming 5-15 times a day.
Album cover credits.
  • Photograph by Danny Fischer.
  • Graphic art by Minya Djacic.
Credits.

Written and performed by Brianna Clarke.

  • Herag Sanbalian, producer.
  • Chris Creglia, mix engineer.
  • David Fischer, .
  • [Not verified.]
Entry 169.
  • Summer’s gone, I’m still here. Things are good, it doesn’t always feel that way. I’ve spent today comparing myself to others so that tomorrow I don’t have to. Cause maybe it’s like an infrequent chore? Like cleaning the floor behind the bathroom sink? There’s a clock within that senses you haven’t been there in a while. That senses the blissful efficacy of your blinders. Then you drop a bobby pin and think, “Oh shit, better do something I hate today!”
  • The worst part of comparison is the negativity that accompanies the feelings of inadequacy. The wishing that the subjects of your jealousy weren’t doing so well. And the guilt that follows, for letting your mind wander down such a useless, ugly path.
  • Well I got it all out of my system, okay? It’s not fun and I deserve better than to do it all over again tomorrow. Blinders back and happy for others. So sorry I was probably jealous of you today. You all just look so ez/breezy/beautiful, ya know? The air got cold, I did too, but we’re goin back up to 36 next week and everything will be just fine!